Projects #022 - "McQueen is fading! Fading fast!"
The last time I’ll ever have to think about Cars!
Project Updates 6/9-6/15/25
Happy Tuesday! I’m deep in the weeds of my Bryan Singer dossier, and boy this guy sucks! Who knew!
The Annecy festival is happening this week, which means a lot of animation news. Especially Pixar! First off, we have a director for Incredibles 3, and it’s not Brad Bird. It is Peter Sohn, director of The Good Dinosaur and Elemental, so… may be safe to just write this one off. It’ll be coming in 2028 unless something crazy happens. We’ll discuss more in a couple weeks.
The villain of Toy Story 5 is revealed - finally an anti-iPad baby film. I’d drive over this piece of shit frog with a truck. Feeling… somewhat optimistic here?
Luca’s director Enrico Casarosa is developing an original, painterly animated film called Gatto, which I may have to take Hank to! Flow knockoff? Probably not - we could use more movies about black cats. I may be biased.
Watching
Finishing Franchises
Unfriended
Unfriended (2014)
Unfriended: Dark Web (2018)
I’m glad I deleted my Facebook over a decade ago… my last act was renaming myself Kiernan Shipka for some reason and confusing everyone in my life. These movies have a fun gimmick, taking place entirely on laptop screens. I appreciate that they never break away for the final act - you’re stuck on the computer with them. Just like real life! My eyeballs would hurt seeing them in a theater. I should have just torrented them to my laptop like the first film’s lead was torrenting Miley Cyrus’ SNL episode.
Sidenote - I attempted the Silent Hill films but could not even get through the first one. I’m not strong enough, though I did enjoy certain shots that are framed exactly like the game.
52 Films by 52 Women
Materialists (2025) dir. Celine Song
It’s only been a few days and the film is already leaving my head. Needs to be wayyyyy more cynical to pull this off, but there’s not much that could save the second act sexual assault plot twist. As a 32 year old gay guy I do love Dakota Johnson’s work, but I can just rewatch Madame Web. I’m not interested in joining the pile-up on Celine Song, not because I don’t agree, but because I can focus my hater energy on other flops, like Nia DaCosta. Pedro is in like, four scenes btw. Shockingly detached film.
Bonus - turns out I Like Movies was directed by a woman! I only learned this as Chandler Levack guested on Blank Check this week. Bonus woman! It takes the 20th spot on the list. All future ranking will reflect this.
Rewatches
Red Rocket (2021) dir. Sean Baker
Probably my favorite of his besides Tangerine - there is nothing funnier than watching a horrible man attempt to sell a 17 year old into sex slavery. Plus, stolen valor subplot!!! This is MY America.
Happiness (1998) dir. Todd Solondz
Took my dad to this for Father’s Day and he loved it! When Gazzara showed up he said “Road House”. A theatrical viewing has solidified this as a top ten film.
TV
ER Season 13 (2006-2007)
How dare they get rid of the theme song… completely unforgivable! I’m still enjoying myself but glad we’re getting to the end. Losing Kerry Weaver is a tough blow, even if she wasn’t showing up much by this point. Love how much they’ve figured out Morris. Can’t stand Gates. Ray getting creamed by that truck is one of the funniest cliffhangers they’ve done. First season with no Carter at all - scary!! Only two to go!
Reading
Manga
Minami’s Lover by Shungiku Uchida
Some fun girl pervert stuff I found out about recently, initially published in Garo magazine during the 1980s. A girl named Chiyomi gets mysteriously shrunk to Borrowers size and hides out with her boyfriend. Love Uchida’s art style and I’d be interested in reading her other work.
Currently reading
I’ve decided to do a mid-year check-in on the currently running manga I’m reading, a list first seen in the very first issue. Undead Unluck has since ended and I gave up on a couple series that sucked. MangaDex getting raided is a big kick in the nuts for any non-Jump series I’m reading, though there have been a couple alternatives getting set up.
One Piece, chapter 1151 - WSJ. Things in Elbaph have gone CRAZY! Not quite as explosive as Egghead quite yet, but it’s coming.
Hunter x Hunter (Hiatus), chapter 410 - WSJ. Still no sign of return… when will Togashi start posting on his twitter again…
D.Gray-Man, chapter 254 - Jump SQ Rise. Four chapters or fewer a year. It’s been the same arc for like the past fifteen years. I do not understand what the author thinks she’s accomplishing here. But I’ll keep reading since it takes five seconds a chapter!
Vinland Saga, chapter 219 - Monthly Afternoon. I’m hearing the next chapter may be the finale, which makes sense, but I’ll be sad to lose it.
Black Clover, chapter 380 - Jump Giga, quarterly release for the final battle. Should be done by next year at this snail’s pace. Totally decent shonen crap.
Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!, chapter 69 - Monthly Big Comic Spirits, monthly release with hiatuses. Would be interested to see a second season of the anime based on these arcs.
Witch Hat Atelier, chapter 86 - Morning Two, monthly release. Teetering on the dark side of the plot, seems to be heading that way.
Spy x Family, chapter 117 - Jump Plus, irregular release. The barest hints of plot development have happened.
Dai Dark, through volume 7 - It’s good! Going with official releases.
Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End (hiatus), chapter 140 - Weekly Shonen Sunday, basically biweekly, on another extended hiatus. Hasn’t been a chapter since January…
Me & Roboco, chapter 236 - WSJ. Could run forever as a gag manga. We’ll see!
Sakamoto Days, chapter 216 - WSJ. Approaching an exciting climax.
Dandadan, chapter 196 - Jump Plus. Best of the new gen series easily.
Hirayasumi, chapter 79 - As discussed, great series. Might also need to wait for the official releases from here on out.
Akane-banashi, chapter 161 - WSJ. Loving this post-timeskip stuff.
Chainsaw Man, chapter 205 - Jump Plus, weekly/biweekly. Losing the plot a bit this year but we’ll see how it lands.
Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 9: The JOJOLands, chapter 25 - Ultra Jump, monthly. Lumpy and strange like all Jojo, let’s see how it plays out.
DOGSRED, chapter 49 - Weekly Young Jump, kind of biweekly, published on the Jump app here. Need to reread all at once.
Mujina into the Deep, chapter 7.3 - Big Comic Superior, monthly. Sexual! Not sure if I like it or not.
Ultimate Exorcist Kiyoshi, chapter 47 - WSJ. Sadly ending prematurely. Great character designs.
Ichi the Witch, chapter 37 - WSJ. Excellent new series, could be building to something special!
The Sound of Blinking/Mabataki no Oto, chapter 13 - Big Comic Superior, monthly(?). Mostly unpleasant in a good way. Not grabbing me like Blood on the Tracks but it’s early days.
Hank Happenings
Is that comfortable dude?
Pixar Project #018 - CARS 3 (2017) dir. Brian Fee
Show of hands - have any of my readers seen this one? I didn’t even see it in theaters - in 2017 I had just moved into my own place and I was obsessed with watching camrips in my bed. Was anyone looking forward to a third Cars film after what happened with 2? This film feels like a reaction to 2 as much as Rise of Skywalker felt like a reaction to The Last Jedi. Not going to wade into THAT, but this aversion to spy antics and Mater himself does make for a better film by default, though it’s still rather dull. Cars 3 did just fine enough to avoid disaster, though no one is racing to greenlight Cars 4.
Cars 3 will forever be best known for the funniest poster and teaser trailer of all time - a terrifying slow motion crash in which Lightning McQueen seems to fucking DIE. The poster’s tagline reads “From this moment, everything will change”. I recall multiple reports of kids screaming their heads off when the teaser trailer played in front of Finding Dory and other animated films. Even funnier that the moment in the film itself is mostly inconsequential. Of course Lightning doesn’t die! But his recovery is entirely offscreen, surely to avoid any questions about what parts of him are alive and which are just parts.
The film takes place five years after the events of Cars 2, with McQueen (Owen Wilson) now a seven-time Piston Cup winner. Though Mater (Larry the Cable Guy) is the first face we see, don’t get used to it - he is barely in this thing. Obviously there is no mention of the World Grand Prix drama, nor do any of Mater’s British spy friends pop up. This is purely a racing film, which of course makes it pretty boring. NASCAR racing is no more exciting when the cars have tongues.
Thanks to the confusing concept of car aging, McQueen is finding himself pushed out by rookie cars with new tech, including the haughty Jackson Storm (voiced by… Armie Hammer? Oh no!) who’s taking McQueen’s glory for himself. In McQueen’s attempt to keep up with next-gen cars, he ends up in the crash from the poster. Lightning’s big crash is genuinely upsetting - a shame it has to be immediately undermined by the fact that he has to survive! After feeling sorry for himself for a few months, McQueen shakes off the dust and tries to get back into the groove at the Rust-eze training center, now owned by a fancy car named Sterling (Nathan Fillion). Sterling recognizes McQueen’s value as an elder statesman and introduces him to a young1 trainer named Cruz Ramirez (Cristela Alonzo).
The whole film is built out of training montages from here on out, it’s like what people think Rocky is. I sympathize with Lightning McQueen’s plight2, but I just don’t really care. The limitations of the characters being TALKING CARS just kneecaps the film in a way that doesn’t happen with talking toys, fish, or emotion blobs. I’ll say it forever - they do not have hands, so their gesticulations are limited to shaking their face-hoods. It’s boring to look at!
Much of the film concerns McQueen trying to reconcile his legacy with that of Doc Hudson’s (Paul Newman, rest in power). Doc had a big crash and never raced again - Lightning doesn’t want to end up like this. McQueen meets several of Doc’s old racing pals, including Smokey (Chris Cooper), who reassures McQueen that Doc had a full life off the racetrack. McQueen challenges Jackson Storm once again, but lets Cruz live out her dreams on the final lap. Are we meant to read this as the white man passing the torch to the young latina? I mean, I guess. But of course, McQueen doesn’t actually retire at the end of this film - he’s going to train Cruz, but his racing days aren’t over yet!
Cars 3 is a nothing film - ironic for the movie about a car watching the world outrace him to open the same summer as Despicable Me 3, also a nothing film but a nothing film which made one billion dollars. Kids really do go insane for those minions, huh? I will not be covering Illumination films on Projects, as they are all turds and are made by non-pervert French, which is psychotic. The only real interesting parts are its attempts to distance itself from Cars 2, treating this like the first direct sequel. You will be shocked at how sidelined Mater truly is. He’s like a background easter egg. As always, Toy Story handles the themes of growing pains and losing your place in the world in a far more entertaining way.
2017 is one of the rare years where Pixar releases two films, a plan that continually seems like a curse. Fortunately for them, this year’s November release was a huge success. We’re heading down to Mexico for Coco!
Cars 3: Two out of five bouncing lamps
From the archives
Uhhhhh fuck I have no idea… is anyone nostalgic for the year 2017? Airport protests? Covfefe? Feud: Bette and Joan?
Mary Fran Corner
I’m honestly not even sure if this was the first time I’ve seen Cars 3. The fever dream that is the Cars universe of movies just sort of blends together for me at this point. Cars 3 is a movie. I guess. I don’t know why Lightning McQueen continues to race. I guess that’s his whole point but I think this movie would be more interesting if he just opened up his own little hotel like the Hallmark Christmas movie version of him would. Instead, we have Lightning meet his match, a faster race car than him. But instead of retiring from racing and enjoying training like his mentor Doc, he does a little training knowing he’ll one day be back on the race track. I guess that’s what keeps the kids coming back but what’s the point.
Links and Recommendations
Young… what are ages in the world of Cars? I can’t think about it.
Cannot believe this is a phrase I’ve written…