Projects #024 - "You set the tone."

The Big ER Issue!

The ER Project - End of an Era (1994-2009)

I’ve considered just starting again.

Watching every single episode of ER for six months straight has perhaps rewired my brain, as you’ve no doubt seen in Projects or just heard me talk about in real life. Here’s how it happened - D and I started Doctor Odyssey, mostly because it had Don Johnson. After its iconic threesome, the show went on hiatus until March. We were jonesing for more medical dramas. I started The Pitt the day it dropped on Max, desperate for a hit. Noah Wyle made an immediate impression, and I realized that this was the show that got in legal trouble for maybe being an ER sequel. D started The Pitt as well, then noticed ER was on Max. The rest is herstory.

What did I learn from ER? Well, I know that “LOC” means “Loss of Consciousness”. In order to properly intubate the patient, you need to be able to see the vocal cords to prevent damage. ‘Tachy’ is when a patient’s heartbeat is faster than normal. “Altered” is when someone is acting crazy - so polite! Probably more. I sure as shit didn’t learn anything from Grey’s!!! The early seasons capture the brutality of the work, the sleepless nights, and the overall pressure of an emergency room just beautifully. Short-staffed, no money for renovations, screaming patients, full waiting room. It’s neverending. Even if the show gets away from itself in later seasons - helicopter crashes, kidnappings, murderous Garret Dillahunt, etc - I never threw up my hands in defeat. There was always SOMETHING to hold onto, thanks to the incredible stable of actors holding down the fort. Not Shane West.

To celebrate the completion of this monumental Project, D and I have compiled a few lists - our top ten episodes, top ten characters, most hated characters, and more! Spoilers abound, but even if you know what happens in ER you won’t be prepared for how it feels when you’re part of it. How much can I get the Complete Series DVD for these days?

Top Ten Episodes

This is an extreme kill your darlings scenario - there are 331 episodes of this damn show! But I’ve done my best.

10. Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic (S8E3)

Romano signs “take care of your father” to Benton’s son Reese, while Malucci calls Kerry a “Nazi dyke” after she fires him for getting a patient killed and then having sex in an ambulance. Need I say more?

9. Old Times (S15E19)

I don’t care how much bullshit the final seasons have - this reunion between Carter and Benton (and Carol and Doug) was worth it! Transplant Coordinator is a great career for Carol!

8. NICU (S10E12)

Directed by Laura Innes, this episode breaks format a bit to focus on Abby and Neela as they survive their month-long NICU rotation. Their friendship is the best part of the later seasons, even when romantic drama gets in the way. Plus, Kerry’s partner Sandy gives birth to their son!

7. Secrets and Lies (S8E16)

Just tickled pink by these crazy doctors doing The Breakfast Club, just sniping at each other. Carter and Luka do some fencing and Goran Višnjić does Croatian Hamlet.

6. Last Call (S3E4)

Doug’s one night stand has a seizure and DIES and he DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HER NAME. NIGHTMARE! When he finds her medical alert bracelet in his apartment at the end… Felt sick to my stomach!

5. Be Still My Heart/All in the Family (S6E13-14)

Carter and Lucy’s stabbing by a schizophrenic David Krumholtz is the show’s best cliffhanger, but the resolution is even better. Kerry’s scream, Benton RACING to the OR, real consequences for Carter for the rest of the show. Sweeps week done right!

4. Whose Appy Now? (S3E14)

Shoutout Neal Baer for this delightful episode where Carter gets to scrub in on Benton’s appendectomy. Plus, it gave me a very important art piece for my wall.

3. May Day (S6E22)

School shooting episode a year after Columbine? They're insane! Not only that, but we also get Carter’s intervention, an instantly iconic moment in Noah Wyle and Eriq La Salle history.

2. Love’s Labor Lost (S1E19)

Everyone knows this one, since it is one of the greatest TV episodes of all time, full stop. Dr. Greene does everything in his power to correct his own medical error and save a pregnant woman unknowingly suffering preeclampsia, but to no avail. The episode empties out, no B plot, just Anthony Edwards sweating. Astounding. Fun fact: my mom had preeclampsia but she had a female doctor (Kerry?), so we did not die on the table! She watched this episode live while pregnant with my brother!

1. Exodus (S4E15)

One of the scariest episodes - a dangerous benzene chemical spill turns the ER upside down, leaving Carter in charge. Kerry just going DOWN and seizing never leaves my mind. It feels like anyone could be next, and Carter does a great job keeping his cool and protecting the patients. Funny, since power usually goes to his head instantly. Randomly Mickey Rooney is here? Don’t mess with invisible chemical residue!!

Worst episodes

No formatting! Corday and that serial killer. The episode where a tank is headed for the hospital, possibly to kill Morris. The street urchins who kept screaming for Neela and calling her their ‘Blue Angel’. The episode where Carter shames Lucy into no longer taking her ritalin and her brain stops working. Anything heavily featuring Gates or Brenner, so basically all of seasons 14 and 15. Carol ruining Martha Plimpton’s life just because she’s bored. That weird crossover episode they put Susan in where she hangs out with racist cops in Jersey? Post-Mark Corday episodes. Any episode where every single character is absolutely miserable and doesn’t give a FUCK about the patients. When I do my inevitable rewatch there will be SO many I can skip!

Top ten characters

I could make this list in my sleep.

10. Dr. Neela Rasgotra (Parminder Nagra)

She just had such a funny weird energy, like when she yelled at Corey Stoll so bad he quit medicine. She was relegated to love interest in the last few seasons, which was horrible, but I always loved her performance.

9. Dr. Luka Kovač (Goran Višnjić)

Paging Doctor Sexy! Luka helped the show settle into the middle seasons, bringing a dark handsome energy and a nightmarish backstory involving his dead family. He really treats Abby like crap right after giving her a surprise wedding then going to Croatia, leaving her to relapse and have an affair with Stanley Tucci. That’s on you dawg!

8. Dr. Mark Greene (Anthony Edwards)

An affable, goofy presence who always cared about the patients at the expense of his family. The show’s steady hand until he turns evil after getting his shit rocked in the bathroom and gets a brain tumor (unrelated incidents… maybe…).

7. Jeanie Boulet (Gloria Reuben)

One of the first TV leads to be HIV-positive, Jeanie was a lovely presence in the ER, even when her storyline was winding down. They really piled on the drama, but she held her head high as a physician’s assistant. Had a lovely, but sad, return in season 14.

6. Dr. Robert “Rocket” Romano (Paul McCrane)

TV’s greatest asshole? Obsessed with him from the second he walked into the operating room, I admired that the writers found a way to keep Romano evil even when he had his (VERY rare) moments of humanity. The loss of his arm and eventually his life to two helicopters is really funny. You can’t say he didn’t deserve it!

5. Jerry Markovic (Abraham Benrubi)

Not a main character but a steady, huge presence for most of the show at the main desk. I love him so much! Just a giant sweetheart who once accidentally fired a rocket launcher. Crucial gay representation as a man who sleeps with women but has an unrequited crush on a man (he knows Carter looks good in those jeans baby!)

4. Dr. Abby Lockhart (Maura Tierney)

My biggest crush as a child. Maura Tierney can do no wrong. Her alcoholism and recovery are done so tactfully for a TV show, as is her struggle with her bipolar mother and brother. God hates Abby Lockhart but I don’t! I cried when she officially became a doctor!!

3. Dr. Kerry Weaver (Laura Innes)

An unrepentant hardass who was never wrong. Except for the couple times she was, and even then she could always shift the blame to someone else. What a fucking snake! I love her! But truly, a woman who refused to be defined by just one thing. Society if Kerry never got to come out as a lesbian… I shudder to think.

2. Dr. John Carter (Noah Wyle)

The original soulful white boy. From pratfalls to getting stabbed, Carter carried the show on his back without breaking a sweat. He was truly a child in the first season; it boggles the mind. There’s an endless number of classic Carter moments, but one I’ll never forget is between him and Carol (who only just missed this list, love ya crazy chica!). An old couple is discharged from the ER, and Carter says “oh I was hoping to find out what happened”. Carol replies “we usually don’t know. That’s just how it works.” His face internalizing it… that’s the Wyle magic!

1. Dr. Peter Benton (Eriq La Salle)

Basically the greatest TV character of all time besides Don Draper and Laura Palmer. Every single thing that happens to Benton brings me to tears, especially when they involve his lovely son Reese. His little smile when he says “I love being a dad”… I cry! An amazing surgeon, great under pressure, temped by BPD strange, hardass mentor to Carter… Dr. Peter Benton is everything. The show never recovered from his departure, but thank god it was a happy one!!

Bottom Ten Characters

10. Dr. Susan Lewis (seasons 8-13)

She had her moments, but her return was unpleasant as she hates all other women. Also that haircut… did they hate her in the makeup trailer? She chilled out a bit when she shacked up with Donal Logue, but by then I was sick of her shit.

9. Michael Gallant

Seems like a nice enough actor, but the writers shipped him off to Iraq to explode. Sorry Neela! Probably shouldn’t have married this guy!

8. Dr. Cleo Finch

BORING!!!!! Only interesting when she fought with Benton about racism then got mad when a homeless Black girl was difficult to deal with in her apartment, but the show never dug into that bit of mental gymnastics. GET OUTTA HERE!

7. Dr. Elizabeth Corday

Fun for a bit as the resident Brit, but got saddled with the stupidest plotlines and entered a turgid “we irritating” marriage with Mark. Her relationship with Romano was a highlight.

6. Dr. Dave Malucci

Hey guys I’m a huge dumbass who never learns! Hope you don’t mind if I break every rule in a Doug way but not charming! A duhhhhhhhh!

5. Sam Taggart

The woman-hater writers had a field day with innocent Linda Cardellini. Teen mom turned badass nurse could have been something, but Sam refused to grow or learn from anything that happened to her. Even killing her evil baby daddy. Lost cause! Take your freak son and get out of my life!

4. Dr. Ray Barnett

I had a violent reaction to the most 2000s character of all time. Painted nails, rock god, did technically rape a teenager (Kat Dennings), but eventually became a decent enough doctor. Until that truck took his legs. But even that seemed to help him out!

3. Dr. Tony Gates

Shut up bitch! Go back to your ambulance and leave Neela alone! Take Sam with you!

2. Dr. Victor Clemente

Absurd crackhead schizo from some other show who broke containment and ended up in the ER. Go back to Grey’s Anatomy!!!

1. Dr. Simon Brenner

My regrettable personal history with Australians aside, Brenner was a problem the show was never interested in solving. Oh he has sex and an accent? GET IN LINE! D is right, maybe he just showed up so Ray would seem worth Neela’s time.

Best plot twist

“The patient! It’s Gant!”

Worst plot twist

There are several, so I may already be forgetting the most egregious, but Sam murdering her evil baby daddy and just getting away with it thanks to the weird helpful mobster whose house she’s been living in… that’s really bad.

ER Lists (D’s Version)

ER Main Characters, Ranked

26. Simon Brenner (David Lyons)

Kind of funny that he was a nepo nephew but otherwise completely insufferable from the first moment he was onscreen. Choosing to believe that he was a genius 4D chess move from the writers to make me actually root for Neela to get together with Ray.

25. Tony Gates (John Stamos)

The worst of the handsome dark-haired Clooney replacements. Had two character traits in the beginning (paramedic turned ER physician, dyslexic) that were almost interesting and then never mattered again.

24. Sam Taggart (Linda Cardellini)

I love Linda Cardellini, but Sam was literally always mad at everyone around her and never once realized she was the problem. Clearly resented her awful son while simultaneously defining herself by having been a teen mom but would also get upset if anyone else cared about the kid either too much or not enough. Once defibrillated a conscious patient just to torture him.

23. Elizabeth Corday (Alex Kingston)

Semi-tolerable (though still annoyingly English) when she was dating Benton but never recovered after getting sucked into Mark’s vortex of misery. Remember how she’s pro-racial profiling lol.

22. Cleo Finch (Michael Michele)

The only thing we ever learned about this character in three seasons was that she had a white mom and loved to exercise. Like okay.

21. Michael Gallant (Sharif Atkins)

A totally adequate character that the writers had no idea what to do with until they shipped him off to Iraq, which immediately turned him into a guy who could only talk about why it was his solemn duty to get exploded by a roadside bomb.

20. Ray Barnett (Shane West)

Written as the most annoying man of the 2000s but Shane West probably handled himself as well as he could have despite playing a statutory rapist. Loved when a trans patient clocked him for performing masculinity. Maybe the funniest cliffhanger in the entire show is when he gets creamed by that truck, which thankfully made him normal by the time he came back in season 15 to rescue Neela from a long series of even worse love interests.

19. Anna Del Amico (Maria Bello)

Not around for long enough to make a huge impression, but I liked her conflicts with Doug and when she called out Carter for pretending to be poor.

18. Cate Banfield (Angela Bassett)

Starts strong—they brought in a PROFESSIONAL to land this plane—and gave us an incredible flashback episode, but lost all her momentum when her storyline became about wanting to have a baby. Can someone fact check me on this being the only time she and Courtney B. Vance have ever played a married couple?

17. Susan Lewis (Sherry Stringfield)

First and not even close to last case of a woman on this show becoming defined by having a child and it wasn’t even her baby. I did not like her during her first run on the show and her single gal dialogue often approached Cathy territory but she chilled out in her second stint after getting with Chuck (Donal Logue) and became much more fun.

16. Jing-Mei Chen (Ming-Na)

Really loved her friendship with Carter and her relationship with Pratt was one of the more normal ones on the show. Like a lot of characters, they eventually ran out of things for her to do but her exit dragged out for two seasons and by the end I was begging for someone to just end it already. Which I guess is also how her dad felt before she euthanized him!

15. Dave Malucci (Erik Palladino)

Feel like 99% of ER fans will be mad at me for ranking Dr. Dave anywhere other than last, which is fair, but I always felt like he had untapped potential—his friendship with Lucy was cute, he was one of the only characters to ever call Mark out for being a dick, he diagnosed Jamaican Vomiting Sickness that one time, and it was pretty blatantly implied that he was a CSA victim (a plotline later stolen for Simon Brenner). I like it when there’s a guy who sucks in a fun way! If the writers had been willing to let the character evolve I think he could have had a similar arc to Morris, but instead he was written off with extreme prejudice.

14. Neela Rasgotra (Parminder Nagra)

Another character who started strong—I liked her best when she was struggling with anxiety—and then became permanently mired in relationship drama. Parminder Nagra is a very beautiful woman but it is wild that every man (and one woman) she ever interacted with immediately fell in love with her. Gets a lot of credit for being one of three women on this list to never get pregnant, adopt a baby, or attempt to do either, especially since the other two were both on the show for less than two seasons.

13. Doug Ross (George Clooney)

Kind of cool that there was a real deal movie star on TV for so long but Doug quickly became my number one enemy. Kerry was literally always right about him!!! He should have followed the rules!!!

12. Lucy Knight (Kellie Martin)

Poor Lucy! Her most memorable moment was obviously her devastating death, but I loved her relationship with Carter and how she always understood exactly what was wrong with him (everything).

11. Luka Kovač (Goran Višnjić)

One of the most handsome and charming men in the world but objectively a terrible boyfriend/husband who was constantly trying to get over his dead family by finding the nearest woman and/or child to replace them instead of ever once talking about his feelings. Abby should have been allowed to beat him to death like the mugger he manslaughtered on their first date after he surprised her with a wedding and then immediately flew to Croatia for several months.

10. Carol Hathaway (Julianna Margulies)

An objectively great character: her flirtation with med school was a really good arc, and I respected that the show never forgot she had attempted suicide in the pilot. However she frequently drove me insane due to her terrible choices (mostly in relation to Doug) and broken picker (Doug is the problem). In retrospect, Tag (Rick Rossovich) was probably the most normal man she ever dated and she left his ass at the altar.

9. Archie Morris (Scott Grimes)

Never would’ve thought he’d be the last good character standing. Morris somehow went from total incompetent to comic relief to doing all of the emotional heavy lifting in the final season without sacrificing who he’d been along the way. And they always found a reason for him to sing. My favorite example:

8. Greg Pratt (Mekhi Phifer)

One of the best character arcs: the fatal flaw of post-Clooney ER was that they were always trying to write a Doug replacement, but Pratt managed to break the mold and evolve from overly cocky ladies’ man to the most responsible person and de facto leader of the ER, even though they didn’t give him the actual title until after his devastating and stupid death.

7. Mark Greene (Anthony Edwards)

Clutch during the early seasons but never the same after he got attacked in the bathroom and became Dark Mark. Also I never forgave him for looking at Jeanie’s confidential medical records. HIPAA was signed into law the summer before that season aired!!!

6. Abby Lockhart (Maura Tierney)

Abby was saddled with so much late-series personal drama (remember when she got kidnapped?) and yet Maura Tierney always crushed it. Wish she had moved to Miami with Kerry tbh... no one wants to talk about it but they had incredible chemistry!

5. Robert Romano (Paul McCrane)

One of the great TV antagonists, always made me laugh despite being truly horrible—except for the occasional moment when he would do one (1) nice thing for one of the three (3) people he liked before immediately going back to bullying everyone else. It’s still so funny that he was attacked by two separate helicopters.

4. Jeanie Boulet (Gloria Reuben)

My beautiful queen who was only here to suffer. Jeanie’s HIV diagnosis could have felt overly didactic on a lesser show, but Gloria Reuben played it so compellingly and with such grace that the writers continued to throw endless misfortune her way. One of the few ER characters to get a happy exit before returning for one last tragedy in season 14.

3. John Carter (Noah Wyle)

Love this crazy ass white boy... Noah Wyle is the reason I started watching ER in the first place when I was going through withdrawal between episodes of The Pitt back in January. Carter was best in the early seasons when he was being mentored by Benton (one of the most important relationships in television history) but remained a great character even at his most miserable.

2. Kerry Weaver (Laura Innes)

Let’s face it, these people needed a mean lesbian to keep them in line. Kerry was real as fuck and if you couldn’t handle it that was your problem. Usually correct, except when she was throwing subordinates under the bus to protect herself, but her hypocrisy made her even realer. Also every girlfriend she ever had was smoking hot (including Clancy Brown in this category).

1. Peter Benton (Eriq La Salle)

Genuinely one of the greatest of all time. Written and played with more complexity than the protagonists of most prestige dramas. My clean-eating king. Maybe the only television character who ever had a baby that made them better and more interesting (insane that I don’t see anyone writing thinkpieces about how he’s the best single Black TV dad next to Sisko from Deep Space Nine). When people say the show went downhill after season 8, it’s not because Mark died—it’s because Benton left.

Top 10 guest stars

10. Djimon Hounsou as Mobalage Ikabo

A classic Hounsou performance in that he was wildly overqualified for the material. Embarrassing that the show drew an equivalence between his PTSD from being a dissident who fled to the U.S. after being brutally tortured in Nigeria with Mark’s PTSD from getting beat up in the bathroom at work.

9. Kirsten Dunst as Charlie Chiemingo

"Homeless runaway teen prostitute" is kind of a lot even for an ER character but Kiki brings it and acts circles around Clooney in the process. The best of the many preternaturally gifted child actor guest spots (honorable mentions: Anton Yelchin, Keke Palmer).

8. James Belushi as Dan Harris

I’m a big Jim-head (one of my favorite family stories is that he once beat up my uncle—who I guarantee deserved it—when they were teens in Wheaton, IL) and thought he did incredible work as a father who comes into the ER with his son (Jared Padalecki, lol) after they get into a car accident while arguing on New Year’s Eve and is worried it was his fault. Highlight: his monologue about how he lost another son to SIDS twenty years earlier.

7. David Krumholtz as Paul Sobriki

His first appearance as a young man experiencing the first onset of schizophrenia is peak ER, but the way he played the character’s brief return after being treated and released was also really well done.

6. Don Cheadle as Paul Nathan

Literally the only character on the show to ever suggest that doctors and nurses should perhaps not viciously mock every fat patient who enters the ER.

5. James Cromwell as Bishop Lionel Stewart

Another case of an overqualified actor showing up to collect their Emmy nomination, but what are you going to do? Not be moved by him hearing Luka’s confession about the death of his family during the Croatian War of Independence despite only having hours to live?

4. Sally Field as Maggie Wyczenski

Impossible to not include Abby’s unpredictable bipolar mother. That’s Sally Field!!! My favorite appearance: Maggie visits Abby, Luka, and their premature baby in the NICU and saves Joe’s life by insisting the attending be paged after she’s the first to notice that he’s developed complications.

3. Miguel Ferrer as Mr. Parker

Has one uncredited scene in the pilot as a patient who learns he has lung cancer and probably only six months to live, setting the tone for all future guest stars.

2. Ray Liotta as Charlie Metcalf

The most memorable single-episode patient would not work if he wasn’t played by a movie star slumming it for a much-deserved Emmy. The episode starts hitting another level early on when he bonds with a child getting a shot in the bed next to him by saying that doctors are mean but that he won’t cry if the kid won’t.

1. Alan Alda as Dr. Gabriel Lawrence

Holy fucking shit is that a motherfucking M*A*S*H reference‼️ The pioneer of TV doctoring plays Kerry’s former mentor who is suffering from the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease and trying to hide his mental deterioration. Kind of a lay-up performance from a guy who could probably do this in his sleep but that doesn’t make it any less impressive.

Top 10 character names

10. Donald Anspaugh

9. Dennis Gant

8. Charlie Chiemingo

7. Chuny Márquez

6. Wendall Meade

5. Luka Kovač

4. Lucien Dubenko

3. Hope Bobeck

2. Kim Legaspi

1. Div Cvetic

Top 10 episodes

10. TIE: "Whose Appy Now?" (S3E14) / "Old Times" (S15E09)

Cheating by including both the episode where Carter performs Benton’s appendectomy and the one where Benton observes Carter’s kidney transplant but I couldn’t bring myself to cut either. This could easily have been a top ten list of just Benton/Carter-centric episodes.

9. "May Day" (S6E22)

My favorite finale: Carter’s intervention and subsequent breakdown in Benton’s arms (and the reveal in the final shot that Benton is accompanying him to rehab) is the obvious highlight, but the other two plot lines—Benton and Luka clash over Luka making a moral decision to treat a shooting victim over the shooter, Luka tries to get a pregnant girl declared incompetent so he can do a C-section to save her baby’s life (Catholic moment)—are also excellent.

8. "Night Shift" (S3E11)

Shout out to my PCP on this one: earlier this year when I offhandedly mentioned during my physical that I'd been watching a lot of ER, she put her hand over her heart and said "I will NEVER forget that bullied resident's pager going off after he threw himself in front of a train." She also told me she went to med school with a rich white guy who used to say he was "just like Carter" to get people to like him.

7. "Time of Death" (S11E06)

The best patient-centric episode and a great change in format, following one case and taking place in real time. You can feel the regular cast (particularly Mekhi Phifer) bringing their A-game to share the screen with Ray Liotta.

6. "Hell and High Water" (S2E07)

As much as I grew to hate Doug unfortunately you do sometimes have to hand it to George Clooney. The episode that made him a movie star. Love that the B-plot is "the staff at County General gets addicted to Doom."

5. "Exodus" (S4E15)

An explosion followed by a chemical spill brings toxic fumes into the ER, sidelining Kerry and forcing Carter to step up. The best of the big disaster episodes.

4. "24 Hours" (S1E01)

A perfect TV pilot. I'll never get tired of seeing the Benton Punch.

3. "Middle of Nowhere" (S5E16)

A lot of the episodes that took place outside the ER were classics, but most of them were heightened crises like Doug saving a child from drowning or Carol stuck in a convenience store being held up by Ewan McGregor. Benton working at a rural clinic in Mississippi for some extra cash was the best of them because although it contained its share of dramatic medical moments, it was primarily a character-centric story about Benton learning to treat a very different kind of community than the one he normally worked with.

2. "All in the Family" (S6E14)

Technically including the final scene of "Be Still My Heart" (S6E13) here (when Carter and Lucy get stabbed by David Krumholtz) but the follow-up episode is filled with unforgettable moments: "Battle Flag" playing as Carter and Lucy bleed out while everyone else parties and the agonizing wait before they’re discovered. Kerry puking in a trash can after opening Lucy up to do internal compressions. Benton sprinting through the hospital to operate on Carter. Romano flipping a table after he can't save Lucy. Carter asking if Lucy is dead after getting out of surgery and Benton not saying anything in response. Fuck!!!!!!!

1. "Love’s Labor Lost" (S1E19)

Famously one of the most brutal episodes of television ever. The way it starts normally and then slowly narrows its focus until we're all-in with Mark as he tries to deliver a baby is suffocating.

Thank you D for contributing and sharing this medical adventure with me! Leave a comment with your favorite ER moments if you’ve got them!