Projects #015 - "Should I hide the money?"
Final Destinations and Watermelon Man!
Project Updates 4/14-4/20/25
Above is my first attempt at a header image for Projects. I made it in Photopea! I’ll continue to refine as the Substack continues, but I figure something is better than nothing! Sinners review coming later this week. I enjoyed! I cannot stop playing Spider-Man 2!
Watching
Finishing Franchises
Final Destination
I’ve always had a perverse fascination with the Final Destination franchise, transfixed and repulsed at the same time. It felt like Faces of Death, and I’d seen many of the deaths on YouTube or regular TV. I’d only seen the first film in full, so it was time to handle the franchise before the release of Final Destination Bloodlines next month. Fortunately they are all under 90 minutes and on Max, so it was pretty easy. I had a LOVELY time with each entry, except 4, which felt like straight to video. Each film is so mean and fun, like Smile with more Rube Goldberg death machines. 5 is pretty incredible but 3 has to be my favorite. Toss them on and pay your respects to Tony Todd.
52 Films by 52 Women
Appropriate Behavior (2014) dir. Desiree Akhavan
Female Perversions (1996) dir. Susan Streitfeld
Sort of a rhyming pair! Both films about sexuality and sensuality, both sort of “eh” for me. The former felt more like a TV pilot than a film (though I’d watch this show!) and the latter was a collection of beautiful images that didn’t really hang together. Makes a lot of sense for this to have been Tilda’s American debut!
Anime
Vampire Hunter D (1985)
Unfortunately this thing looked like crap! Where was the gothic romance promised by the book’s art? I did not know this took place in a weird future either… I don’t mind having seen it, but I’m hoping Bloodlust is more in line with what I thought was going to happen. Look at the poster below. Why doesn’t it look like this??
TV
ER - Season 7 (2000-2001)
The season from hell! Every character experiences a unique nightmare situation, from losing a nephew to gun violence to their bipolar mother Sally Field showing up to brain tumors to rehab drama and more! It rocked! Can’t believe I am only just at the halfway point of the entire series. What am I going to do when Benton leaves???
Abbott Elementary - Season 4 (2024-2025)
I will be taking a break because I’m getting mad at a sitcom for being nice again. I get tired! It’s falling into the “everyone is nice friends” kind of comedy I am allergic to. And I don’t like or understand Ava’s redemption. I want something bad to happen to her! Again, this is my cue to sign off.
Podcasts
Crazy Karina’s new season of You Must Remember This titled “The Old Man is Still Alive” rivals the Polly Platt series as the best work she’s put out. There’s so much we can learn from the end of golden age director careers, and not all of it is depressing!
LEGO
Biolizard! Having this set on my Target wishlist for months finally paid off. The second it got discounted I picked it up. I kind of want to mount it to the wall like a big game trophy. Why are LEGO sets always $100?
Videos Game
I am ignoring everything else in my life to focus on Spider-Man 2. It’s just so relaxing even when I’m being chased by the Lizard. Everything on the PS5 runs so smooth… a treasure! More on this when I finish it, ideally right after finishing up this issue of Projects.
Race Craze 2K25 #002 - WATERMELON MAN (1970) dir. Melvin Van Peebles
They said it couldn’t be done: a race swap movie that’s actually good! It should come as no surprise that Melvin Van Peebles’ 1970 comedy Watermelon Man is an absolute riot, an insightful look at race in America that is somehow a studio comedy. I don’t know how he got away with it!
The film starts like the intro to American Dad. Jeff Gerber (Godfrey Cambridge) is an extremely goofy white man, lackadaisically traipsing through his morning routine of tanning, exercise, and racing his bus on foot. The makeup they have Cambridge in is completely insane; I love it. Pictures don’t do it justice, he must be seen in motion.
The next morning, Jeff awakens to find that he is suddenly Black. He thinks that he’s just tanned too long, but he doesn’t turn white again. His seemingly Maude-esque wife Althea (Estelle Parsons - who is still alive btw, isn’t that crazy?) can’t handle this. So much of this movie takes place in their bathroom as Jeff freaks out. I wasn’t even sure he was going to get dressed.
I don’t really want to break down the plot beat by beat as I do for Pixar films - this is more a recommendation than analysis. Watermelon Man is hilarious and well-worth seeing. It is so ahead of its time I really couldn’t believe it. Thank goodness some of the movies I’m collecting for Race Craze are actually good.
Anyway, next up: Soul Man and White Chicks!
